My way of 'grief management'...

If anyone wonders why I keep talking about my 'deceased' wife the way I do...then it's the way I handle my 'loss' and it makes ME feel better. I reach for every thought that makes it possible.

Syl used to say that 'you have to cry it out'. Well...I do that too. Sometimes I'm like a blubbering idiot when I think of not being able to 'hold' her in my arms and comfort her, to 'see' her smile, to 'hear' her laugh. That's when she comforts me and tells me that she's alright. LOVE is not about 'the physical'.

It makes me FEEL better to celebrate her life rather than mourn her death. It turns each day into something special. Good mourning? I don't think that 'animal' exists.
But a good morning/mourning is the way I begin each day. I don't know when the tears will come...but I reach for the 'thought' that FEELS better.

I talk about all the things I've learned from her, about the people that are in my life BECAUSE of her, and I still 'communicate' with her...but in a different way.
My life is different, of course...but I'll get through whatever comes along just by reaching for the 'best thoughts' that make me FEEL better. My way of handling it may not be the 'perfect way'...but it's my way. And my grief? It's not what I get that counts...it's what I do with it.

The day Syl and I were married and became ONE is still one of the best days of my life. Nothing is going to change that...not even a casket. Thanks, honey. I love you more today than I did yesterday...and less then I will tomorrow.

Comments

Shakirah Zain said…
You are a true inspiration, JOhn.
June 3, 2010 at 11:07 AM
Patrick said…
I second Shakirah's statement, you are an inspiration. You don't have to explain why you talk about Sylvia the way you do. She IS always here. Because there is no time, not really, she is always here in the present tense. All there ever was, was the same now this is now. If this is how you perceive then it's wonderful you don't let mental stuff censor what you KNOW in your heart. <3
July 26, 2010 at 1:00 AM
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