HAPPY EASTER

I love Easter. It's the time where one story ends...and mine begins.

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My way of 'grief management'...

If anyone wonders why I keep talking about my 'deceased' wife the way I do...then it's the way I handle my 'loss' and it makes ME feel better. I reach for every thought that makes it possible. Syl used to say that 'you have to cry it out'. Well...I do that too. Sometimes I'm like a blubbering idiot when I think of not being able to 'hold' her in my arms and comfort her, to 'see' her smile, to 'hear' her laugh. That's when she comforts me and tells me that she's alright. LOVE is not about 'the physical'. It makes me FEEL better to celebrate her life rather than mourn her death. It turns each day into something special. Good mourning? I don't think that 'animal' exists. But a good morning/mourning is the way I begin each day. I don't know when the tears will come...but I reach for the 'thought' that FEELS better. I talk about all the things I've learned from her, about the people that are ...
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Do I believe in miracles...?

My first introduction to miracles came to me from my parents. They told me about the happenings on January 13th, 1938. My 20 yr. old mother went into labor with me and my dad rushed her to University Hospital in Cleveland. She had a rough time of it. The Dr. told her there was a serious problem and I would have to be delivered Cesarean section. Also, because of the nature of the problem a choice had to be made. He could save my mom's life...or mine, and even then there were no guarantees. Stella (that's my mom's name) made a choice. She told the doctor to save me. She said she'd already experienced life and wanted me to have the same chance. Well...the delivery was made. I came squalling into this world at 1:38 AM on January 14th, and two weeks later than anticipated. The brat (that's me) survived...but the miracle was that my mom lived until 1980. Hmmm. I guess if I didn't make it, I wouldn't be writing this. Anyhow. From then on my life has been series of...
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I promised to buy her a stone...

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Sylvia was a lady who loved fine jewelry. If it wasn't 'real' she would do without rather than have a 'look alike'. Anyhow, when it came to rings, she wore more than one when she went out...among other 'adorable adornments'. Anyhow...I always told her I'd buy her a 'larger stone' to replace the one in her engagement ring. I was thinking in terms of in the neighborhood of 2 1/2 carats. Never in my wildest dreams/nightmares would she play the role of Sleeping Beauty and change the whole picture. Now the 'stone' is in the neighborhood of the 'cemetery' and the stone I'll be getting her will be a 'tombstone'. But a promise is a promise...and when I promised my honey something, I got it for her...even if it took awhile. This is one of the things I'm designing in my mind. It's what we used to do when we had our jeweler in Reno come up with a 'one-of-a -kind' piece. I'm writing this late at night, not beca...
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