John's 'secret'...

     Today I was looking at my clown painting and suddenly, it jarred my memory.  It doesn't take much jarring these days to take a trip down Memory Lane or whatever that street's called.

     I don't like to lay the blame on anyone, but since she's deceased, I'll point my finger at Sylvia as the culprit that got me going on my clown collection and my interest in clowns..  It all started several years before when the lady in question and I were just friends.  We were able to become 'best friends' so quickly because both of us had made the promise that we would NEVER get married again after what we'd been through.

     One morning at Denny's, while we were having breakfast we had a sort of 'true confession' session.  It was during these we told each other 'secrets' that we would not even tell to our closest friends and family.  During one of these times, I told Syl  my biggest secret that not even my parents or the priest that heard my confession knew.

     After we'd been married a couple of years (I've learned never to say NEVER) we were in our favorite furniture store.  I was staring at a painting and I remembered it all.  Syl looked at the painting and looked at the tear that was trickling down my face and remembered what I had told her about 'my secret'.  We left the store with the framed painting she bought me in tow.

     I used to sit and stare at the painting of the sad clown, slouched over on his chair with his clown makeup on and a tear running down his cheek.  Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside reminded me.  It was from there that Syl came up with an idea!  I had her started on her doll collection so she would start me on a clown collection.  When the time came for a Halloween costume to wear to work (I was a dealer in a casino), I went with the clown.  Soon my collection took on a life of it's own as my honey bought me more clowns and I had the experience to apply my own makeup (actually I looked at pictures) and made my own costumes.

     The years went by and now here I am alone.  The collection is just a dust collectors to me now and the 'secret' that so impacted my life and caused so much havoc in my life is almost funny, now that I think about it.  What is my 'secret'? wouldn't be much of a secret if I told.  lol



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